Don’t Let the Word “Divorce” become a Seed in Your Mouth
Too many make divorce becomes a play thing. “I am gonna divorce you if. . . .” “If you ever did that, I would divorce you. . .” The enemy knows our words become our seed so he will use them to progress a thought that ending your marriage is an option. Speak death to those words that have ever been used and begin to make divorce a ‘non-option.’ Don’t play about it.
Don’t joke about it. Don’t ever use the word ‘divorce’ regarding your marriage. Splitting up, separating, etc. should never be part of your vocabulary. Former generations had it right. They worked it out no matter what. So work it out no matter what and no matter how bad it gets, look at it as a journey and not an end.
Work on your marriage like you work on other things.
Read marriage books. Attend marriage seminars. Most importantly, befriend a couple who has been where you are and has succeeded. Get counseling. Men, get the knowledge to be a better husband than you are today. Wives, do the same. No matter how great you think you are at being spouse of the year, there is always ways you can become even better.
Husbands, Stop Thinking Your Wife is to Submit to You (Only)
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Ephesians 5:21-23
I hate sharing the verse at first because wives emotionally turn it off. Their husbands use it to emotionally beat and abuse to control them. Husbands, this is toxic and lethal for your marriage.
The Bible does not say for wives to submit to their husbands only. Yet, we ignore the verses before where it opens by imploring to ‘submit to one another.’ (Verse 21)
Submission as coming up under (sub) the mission of another. Submitting one to another is bowing down your will to support and encourage the mission of your spouse. That is intimacy and where a couple becomes a power couple.
I trust my wife, Karen, in all matters. Recently, she had a hard decision to make regarding an advancement in her career. I was not happy about it for many reasons. Her response was she simply did not want to ‘miss a door the Lord was opening up for her.’
I prayed about (or told God I didn’t like). I trusted my wife and her walk with God to submit to this move. I could have easily put my foot down and said, “No, as your husband submit to me and do what I say. Don’t take it.” I would have missed what God wanted to do and I would have made her miss a huge God size opportunity.
Have Fun with Your Spouse
Karen and I try almost every week to spend a few moments together just by ourselves. As parents, it is important not only to our marriage but to our family and sanity to get away by ourselves and enjoy the company of each other. We love traveling, playing, vacationing, and working together.
Karen and I enjoy our 48 hour adventures where we hop on a plane and tackle a city in 2 days. We have the most fun. We pack light, make no plans except embrace the adventure, and embrace a city or area. These are the most memorable trips of our marriage. So many laughs.
We don’t always agree and we don’t always get along yet the fun times make the bad times dissipate and vanish. Find something you both like to do and do it.
Keep your Business to Yourself
One thing many young couples do is air their dirty laundry. Keep you disagreements, fights, arguments, and bad parts of your marriage to yourself. You are more forgiving than a friend or a family member.
Fight alone with your spouse. Don’t call for backup. When the air clears and you both have made up and forgotten what had happened, there will be outside forces that will never forget. Animosity will build up and friction between your friends and family with your spouse could be there. This could lead to a fateful decision being made between your spouse and your family and friends.
Men, God said in his Word we are to leave our mother and father and cling to our wives. Let’s use that word ‘leave’ and let’s ‘leave’ folks out of our marriage.
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