A couple hurriedly walked into the auditorium at our church a few years ago straight towards me. They were on a mission to settle a bet as to whether Karen and I ever had fights. Whichever side placed their bets that we had fights, they won the day. Yes, Karen and I do have often many heavy discussions.
The foundation of our marriage when we got engaged was divorce-proofing our marriage. We had an honest conversation before we married to make the decision divorce would never be an option. Divorce is never on our lips and never on our mind. For the years we have been married, we have never even joked about it. Joking we believe would set up a seed in our mind the enemy could use to grow the thought of divorce.
Back to arguments and fights, the foundation of divorce-proofing our marriage has created an excellent way to fight fair. When there are disagreements, no matter how hot it gets we know we can disagree without being divorceable. Fighting without that on the table allows us to go to the extent of our feelings out without having to pay for it with divorce.
As I wrote Discovering the Rhythm in Your Marriage, getting off rhythm produces tensions in your marriage which result in disagreements. Tension is good for marriages. Tension allows both parties to focus on a matter and work together to create peace. Peace alleviates tension but many times it takes the tension to get to peace.
Our first Christmas together was our very first Christmas together ever. We were married in August. We began dating the December before. If you counting, that is only 9 months from hello to I do.
We did not spend many parts of December together because we both went home to our perspective families and various travels. Our first Christmas was hard. There was no peace in the inn. Bringing two individuals, two cultures, and two ways of doing Christmas inevitably brought about World War III. Those were some hard days.
What brought the most peace was knowing we could have honest conversations without the fear of one leaving or walking away from the marriage. To both of us, that was truly peace on earth. Eventually, Christmas got easier. After the first one, we never wanted to return to that again.
If I could encourage every couple with one thing, agree divorce to never be an option for the future of your marriage. Don’t entertain it. Don’t think about it. Don’t ever talk with your friends or family about the option. Get the term divorce of your marriage and to take it further, out of your vocabulary.
Any thought or word could be used by the enemy to plant a seed in your mind and he will go to any extent to water it. His plan is to watch it grow and eventually choke your marriage. If he divides you and your spouse, he has conquered you both.
You need each other. No matter what circumstance brought you two together, you have to learn your steps were ordered to come across each other’s path. God placed you together to become a power couple able to do wonders for the Kingdom of God and defeat the kingdom of this world.
The Bible states many times where two are better than one. No one can be an island. Like a gazelle, the devil desires to get you by yourself. By yourself, he has dinner.
Cloth your marriage in grace and mercy towards one another. Fill your marriage with unending love and communication. Forgive. Love. Fight fair. Forgive again. Love again. Fight to be the marriage you have always desired and become the couple you have always envisioned.
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